I look down at my deflated breasts. My chest completely flat where two pert bosoms used to sit. Now they resembled a cocker spaniels ears. I looked back up to the mirror and when I did, tears had appeared in the corners of my eyes. I had recently given up breastfeeding and my emotions were all over the place. I felt useless and redundant. I felt I was no longer needed. And to add insult to injury now my breasts were looking as flat as pancakes. My nipples had doubled in size. They looked like mini Mexican sombreros.
They didn’t look like my boobs. You know the ones I had before kids. The ones that actually resembled what you see in the magazines. Perky, full, big boobs. And I loved them. I never imagined I would be giving them up to give my children the best start in their lives. Yet despite my dismay at my disappearing chest, I wouldn’t change it for the world.
It’s a royal pain in the arse don’t get me wrong, and honestly I’m so glad I can wear dresses that don’t button up at the front. I’m happy I don’t have to worry when I have a glass of wine or two. But I miss it. God I miss it. I miss the closeness of the moments I’ll never get back, the moments where it was just me and him and the rest of the world was just background noise.
That happened every time he fed. He was taking a part of me and I was nurturing him and together we built an unbreakable bond worth more than perfect boobs. So I may cry. I may stare at my ever changing body in disgust. But deep down I know. I know that my body is this way because I sacrificed it for the sake of my children.
From my caesarean section scars to my deflated chest, for all the stretch marks and the strain on my body. I’m thankful. I look at my body now not as a temple but as a home that nurtured three amazing babies and helped them grow.
Is there anything better than that really? I don’t think so.
And I can happily report that my boobs are coming back! Breastfeeding can be an emotional time and your body changes so much, but don’t let my post discourage you – they do get their perkiness back!
Overall breastfeeding is an amazing experience that will give you memories to hold dear for a lifetime. I recommend any expect mum who’s thinking of breastfeeding to give it a try. You won’t regret it.
On the other hand, if you don’t breastfeed. This doesn’t make you an inferior mum. I only managed seven days on Leo and twelve weeks on Charlie. It takes time and not all babies latch on properly for a variety of reasons. Situations like that can’t be helped and it’s important to know if you’re unable to breastfeed it doesn’t reflect on your ability as a mother.
Did you breastfeed? How did you feel when you stopped? Let me know below in the comments.